How do you find the time?

I have a friend who travels a lot as CEO of his company. He may be in Asia, Europe, and in two different states all in the same week.

Sometimes he wonders why he’s feeling a little discombobulated. Sometimes I wonder how he stays sane. But he’s more than sane; he smiles a lot.

In addition to managing his business, my friend has two adult children and two younger children. He’s an active participant in the life of his community, he takes time for the arts, he is physically active and paying attention, and his house is gorgeously warm and inviting. Despite all of these commitments, he also has a garden in the backyard.

His garden, he says, helps keep him sane and smiling. He likes to put in plants that attract butterflies.

Few would argue with him if he announced that he has no time for such a thing. But his garden, to me, is an example of how we can do what keeps us sane, steady, and thriving. Whatever makes life work, we have time for this thing. Whatever else life demands, all of it goes better if we first have what we need.

We all get the same amount of time. It’s what we do with it that varies so incredibly. When we learn to tend to the things that really matter first, we create a life closer and closer to our dream life.

For myself, I’ve been noticing that my energy is high in some areas. I try to focus on those strengths and not worry so much about the stuff I care less about. Yes, I do laundry, but I don't devote a lot of my energy there. I often think that I’m busy. I have three kids, I run my own business, I have several community commitments, there are a lot of people I like to spend time with, and I like to sleep.

The list doesn’t really matter. Because how many people do you know who are single without children and who still feel overwhelmingly busy? Lots. I admit that my initial bias in these conversations ran something along the lines of “Busy? You? Busy? I’ll show you busy.”

“Busy” is one of our favorite states of being. There’s a certain bravado that comes from doing a lot. But when we say we’re busy, we almost always mean “too busy.” It ranks right up there with “tired.” You know:

“How you doing?”

“Good; busy. Tired.”

Yep. After years of listening to people with wildly varying lives all feel busy, I realized that being busy is more of a state of mind than a reality to deal with. There are twenty-four hours in a day. Some things will get done, some won't. I wasn't always able to hang on to this abstract idea in practical terms. I used to work myself into a frothy agitated state while, for example, we were packing to go on a road trip. To meet a business deadline, I sometimes stayed awake for ridiculous stretches. I used to be annoyed by people who didn’t move as quickly as I do, work as efficiently as I wanted them to. Busy, busy…lots to do, have to get it done. Hmm. Really? At what cost?

Too busy, for me, means stressed. Stressed means sick. Sick isn't my dream. Ultimately, too busy had to go. 

Still, I like to be busy. I wasn't ready to give that up. So I started focusing on all that I get done. I get a lot done. Sometimes that consists of lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling for a while. It counts. I started believing that there is enough time for everything; I started believing that I can accomplish everything that needs to get done. I don’t need to feel too busy. I don’t need to feel stressed. And, of course, life started changing. Because that’s what happens when we start thinking about something differently. It changes.

That doesn’t mean that I get everything done when I want it done. It means I’ve changed my priorities. Getting stuff done is great. Being balanced and clear and steady while getting stuff done is greater. I trust that I’ll get to what is important; I’m no longer willing to exhaust myself in the process.  I also don’t want anyone working with me on project exhausting themselves for the sake of the project.

When I work with people now, I am clear that I don’t want anyone burning the midnight oil. Go to sleep. Do some yoga, walk outside. Come to your work with your best mind, your best body. And we’ll make something great together.

Life works better for me this way. I’m still busy. I like it that way. But I’m busy and steady, mostly. Packing the car for a road trip is much more fun now. We’ll get there when we arrive. We’re doing just what we ought to be doing. We’ll find the time.