Four secrets of the good life

The other day a woman I scarcely know stumbled across my work here at Tending the Fire Within. Next time she saw me, she said, “Did you come up with this stuff yourself? What’s your secret?”

She was asking particularly about the upcoming communication series, “Say what you’ve gotta say: compassionate and effective communication.” I’m running the three-part series October 24, November 7 and 21 at my home and I’m also offering a two-day session November 23 and 24 at the Calliope Center that will delve deep into these practices. I hope you join us; it’s a great bit of work that can help you become a more confident and successful communicator. And then who knows what you can do in your life?

But the question of how I came up with the content for this work is a good one. I’ve been walking around this planet now for 45 years, but what in that time has particularly prepared me to help other people learn anything about how to walk through it a bit more happily?

I’ve written some in the past about the challenges and choices of my youth, particularly this piece about how I overcame my drunkenness and the dark days that accompanied it.  And the ways that I learned to live more healthily and happily back 28 years ago still play out today and every day. There is so much more that I’ve learned along the way, but I always feel pretty certain that I wouldn’t have learned much if I haven’t been sober and clean for all this time.

Once I had this spiritual awakening as a young woman, I understood that what I really want in this life is deep, true connection. I’ve spent much of the past three decades committed to that idea and I love the way it shows up in my life. I’m not telling you my life is perfect, but I have created a great life for myself and my kids. I think that I’m contributing good stuff into the world. I can do this because of the boatloads of self-development work over that I’ve done over the years. I’m a graduate of The Hoffman Process and I’m an initiate in the Wheel of Initiation. I have ongoing groups that I work with and have been a part of for years.  

The Tending the Fire Within work is an amalgamation of all this work and living and experience and consideration. Facing every day and every situation without altering my perception with drugs or alcohol, and continuing my own practices of well-being has taught me to stay open, stay honest, stay responsible for creating my life, and to stay with the work.

And if there were any “secrets” to living happily, I would say that list of four are right up there at the top. When we understand that we are the ones making our lives, when we commit to fully taking on every bit that we create, when we stay honest with ourselves and others about these things, and when we just keep in the game of paying attention, our lives get better. We can have what we want.

Those are big ideas. Big ideas are great, but they don’t often help people by themselves. What we really need are specific, clear, and effective practices for changing the way we do things. The ways we think. The ways we interact with others. The ways that we choose what comes out of our mouths. What we choose to do with our anger, our penchant for sarcasm, our habit of beating ourselves up when we don’t live up to our expectations, however impossible.

A Tending the Fire Within workshop gives participants specific practices that can change the way they think, the way they behave, and the way they live. These practices aren’t rocket science. But when we apply them to our lives they can rocket us into new and beautiful places. The upcoming communication series is part of that work. We’ll learn how to start being honest and clear, with ourselves and with others. Good communication is a foundational skill. Good communication helps us get what we need, to hear and see other people, to set clear boundaries, and to think good thoughts.

It’s good, good stuff. I hope that you join us for it. To register, email me at anneoconnor@tendingthefirewithin.com or call me at 608-606-4808.